I thought I would try to explain to people like Iris why there is a different and far more loving way in which christians can affirm and celebrate gay and lesbian love:

I really worry about the version of christianity and the impression of christianity people like this politician convey by using intemperate language about perfectly honest, decent people - people they are supposed to represent.

Her disgust over gays and lesbians concerns me not only as a christian myself, but as a human being.

To be honest, there is a big enough christian challenge for me, in loving an elderly neighbour better, visiting someone sick, befriending the lonely. The first issue God has with my life is not 'other people' but my own too frequent shortfall of love.

I don't see it as part of my christian calling to regulate how other people should express their tender love, or who they are, or how they feel. On the contrary, I celebrate their love, their commitment, their care, and the expressions such love may take, and I thank God for it.

The issue of sexual orientation shouldn't even be an issue in this day and age, and christians (along with other human beings) should concentrate on: helping the poor, caring for the sick, befriending the lonely, visiting the elderly, protecting the outcasts and refugees and - also - trying to build a just and tolerant society.

Trouble is, too often we deflect from our own failure to love enough, by identifying 'others' to criticise and place the blame on.

What the Christian community has sometimes failed to do - in using terms like 'abomination' and intemperate language like suggesting gays are as bad or worse than child-molesters - is show simple love and care and respect for people… as people.

Homosexuals, gay people, lesbians, transsexuals, bisexuals, let's add black people, white people, (add you own category...) are all basically:

People

They do normal jobs. They eat normal food. They help their normal neighbours. They watch normal films. They are you and me and us. Fundamentally we are all people, and in our efforts to love and be kind and care, we deserve respect. Much more respect than gay and lesbian people are sometimes given by certain kinds of christian. Certain kinds of christians who (ironically) seem obsessed by other people's sex.

For the key factor in a relationship is not the sexual orientation, but the love, and commitment, and faithfulness to each other. And that tender love and commitment is beautifully expressed in all kinds of ways including the physical tenderness.

I have homosexual friends who are christians living in long term partnerships - committed partnerships of love - and I don't see it as my job to regulate "their love" or exclude them from fellowship with me. Instead we share faith in Jesus.

Their lifestyles are incredibly similar to my own. They have children. They pay taxes. They do housework. They hold down valuable caring jobs. They matter to the community.

It's not my job to judge them but to love them. I do.

In a world where people are blowing each other up, and where there is often not enough love, I feel it is good to celebrate relationships where two people care about one another, love, commit, and share their lives together.

The anti-gay agenda of religious fundamentalists is just that: an agenda. It's not driven by science. It's not driven by openness. It's not driven by recognition of the sincerity of gay and lesbian love. It's driven by a doctrinal agenda. The agenda comes first. And it is an agenda based on the social assumptions of ancient cultures, which it seeks to perpetuate.

Such fundamentalists do not speak for all christians. The fundamentalist mindset pre-supposes one way of approaching the bible. It demands "inerrancy". If homosexuals are "abominable" because the bible says so, then - taken inerrantly - what are we to make of God's command to stone gay people for centuries in the Old Testament? Or God's supposed command to slaughter tens of thousands of children, men and women in the ethnic cleansing of Canaan? Or the biblical portrayal of Adam as having no ancestors, no evolutionary predecessors? Or the illogic of the worldwide flood with all animal species surviving only on a boat? Is it biblical to ignore all the findings and knowledge of geology, zoology, genetics, palaeontology, etc? I'd argue it's not. Inerrancy is not the only christian way of approaching the profound insights in the bible.

A different approach, adopted by many christians, is to see the bible as the sincere but fallible attempts of ordinary human beings to make sense of religious encounters. In this approach, the authors are placed in a sane and rational context of their own cultures, along with its limits and its prejudices. Christians like this would argue that the study and reflection on homosexuality should take account of biological, genetic and psychological research, and socio-cultural factors. It should not be seen as "sin" anymore, but as part of the diversity of humanity. Such a view regards revelation as continuing, and allows for far more openness, and the possibility of new insights.

Of course, even the judgmental kind of christians will insist on their own lovingness. They will contextualise their comments by the need to 'love the sinner'. In this way they "sugar-coat" an unpleasant message by saying, yes but we still love them, we just don't love their sin.

However, this ignores the fact that sexual orientation is an integral part of who you are, and how you feel, and express love and commitment and faithfulness. So in saying they 'hate the sin' they're actually attacking an integral part of who a person is. To reverse it, it would be like saying to heterosexuals, all that love and loving you give to your wife is something we regard as perverse and wrong and sick, but we still like you.

How would that feel?

Many gay people must feel that christians are incredibly hurtful and disrespectful. The love and faithfulness that is so central to their lives is demeaned and called "perversion" or "sickness" or sometimes - as in the politician's remark above - put on a par with child abuse. How deeply offensive comments like this must be - and truly hurtful.

It is that lack of empathy, in the offensive language used against homosexuality, that betrays the dominance of dogma over humanity and love. The crass inability to see the hurt and harm that intemperate words can cause.

A typical example of this lack of empathy is the argument that if gay people won't repent of being gay, they should at least remain celibate for life. It's a terrible harshness. Imagine if all heterosexuals were also told to remain celibate, if you want to understand the brutality of what they say should be required. It would be perverse and unnatural, and the proposal for gay people to remain celibate is just that - a perversion and an unnatural requirement.

To reverse it, imagine if you said to all heterosexual people: "We know you have deep emotional and sexual longings, and we know how much your tender loving matters to your partner, and we know how committed and faithful you are... but we want you to be celibate for the rest of your life, both you and your partner... never have sex again!"

Loving someone, standing by someone, being caring and committed to someone, even when it's tough, comforting someone, holding someone, expressing tenderness and intimacy in trust and givenness and gentleness with someone, laughing with someone, being happy with someone... can you not agree that this kind of love (gay love) is something lovely and beautiful in an often selfish world, and something that delights God and something that God blesses.

It's all about love, or it should be.

And I see no goodness in banning all that and telling people to be celibate instead. Imagine if you said the same thing to all 5 billion heterosexual people. There'd be outrage and people would rightly be appalled. Yet somehow some people think that they should tell that to gay people.

There just seems to be such lack of empathy about the hurt that's caused by what is sometimes being said. It's simply a symptom of a mindset and hard attitudes.

Sadly, there is a whole implicit culture of derogatory attitudes to homosexuals in some parts of evangelical christianity. Sometimes it's sophisticated and implicit, sometimes - as in the case of Iris Robinson's words, it's crass, uncultured and explicit. But I believe it reflects a kind of disorder, a kind of alarm and fear, a fear of diversity.

It is not gay, lesbian, bisexual or transsexual people who are disordered. It is the world and sometimes the religions beyond those people that are disordered. It's not the loving, caring gay or lesbian couple who are disordered, but the cultural prejudices of the past which are like a malaise, demonising groups into 'them' and 'us'. And it's killing people.

Prejudicial language, or the equating of gay love and paedophilia as moral equivalents, is not only deeply offensive in itself but contributes to a "climate of intolerance" in schools, in the work place, and through dark layers of society. It appears to offer an informal religious mandate to homophobia in society at large. Gay-bashers can say, "Even the bible, even christians condemn it as perversion, therefore we are justified. God even says in the bible they should be stoned." They misappropriate the scriptures. They hear modern day christians using intemperate language. And they connect the two and feel they're validated.

When a christian leader or politician defines gay and lesbian love as "abomination" such language provides sanction for all those bigots who seek justification for hate crimes. The religious "anti-gay" agenda contributes to a climate where gay and lesbian people become targets of condemnation, hate and violence.

A UK Home Office report last year defined homophobia as 'resentment or fear of gay and lesbian people' and the report adds 'this can be just a passive dislike of gay people'. When people in positions of religious or political authority use language of disgust about the way other people love each other, they are becoming homophobic without even realising it. And there has been a huge amount of homophobia in some churches over the years - and sadly still is in some religious communities. It's discrimination.

Home Office Minister, Tony McNulty, said: "People need to know that, if they commit homophobic crime, their prejudice and actions will be tackled." Categorising homosexual relationships with paedophilia, or even imputing it's worse, is clearly prejudicial and into the realms of homophobia - if only because there is no rational link between consensual love and violent non-consensual abuse of a child. The correlation doesn't even make sense.

Of course, in the "anti-gay" agenda it goes further than this. Because the doctrinal agenda defines that failure to repent of this "abomination" will send people to Hell forever. And this stigmatisation of gay and lesbian couples - ordinary caring people - is the ultimate marginalisation and dismissal of other people's loves.

It is a matter of serious concern when some people in government express outwardly hostile remarks about homosexuals. If they can, and can get away with it, then what about health staff? What about teachers? Will christian teachers who portray gay sexuality as wrong - or say that gay people will go to hell if they don't repent of their homosexual relationships - be liable to prosecution? But if politicians are saying it too, then why shouldn't they?

Is there a place for the criticism of homosexuality in schools? Totally not. Schools should not be allowed to teach that gay sexuality is inferior to heterosexuality, or in any way unacceptable. Nor should kids be allowed to say 'That is so gay' as if gay was something derogatory. Gay rights, along with other decent human rights, should be taught instead. I'm a teacher myself. I'm also a parent.

Let me talk to you about…

Openness

I ask myself: would I want my own daughter getting drawn into these close-minded attitudes and theological prejudices against ordinary, loving human beings? And the answer of course, is no I would not.

I have two daughters and a son. What kind of society do I want them to grow up with? What kind of spirituality? I hope they grow up in communities where "disgust" at homosexual love is part of the past of our society, but not part of anything acceptable about its future. Basically, more and more, we should strive to make these outdated prejudices seem weird, sad, pathetic, out of touch, and basically marginal to what our society is really about. I want my children to grow up with more respect for others.

I long for the day when people can embrace their gay brother, their gay uncle, their lesbian daughter... and wish with all their hearts that the *whole* of their love - sexual, practical, lifelong - may simply be blessed like any other couples.

You would think that the spiritual movements of our world would take the lead in this, but often they are complicit in the malaise and disorder and the world's fear and rejection of people who "aren't like us". I believe the Church should celebrate the wonderful diversity of humanity, and the amazing diversity of life-forms on our planet, and go beyond the limited and sometimes prejudiced views of the past (did God *really* sanction the stoning of gay people as the bible says?). Are we part of a bible and a doctrinal "agenda" that's stuck in the past, or are we part of the profound revelations that weave their way through bible history, via fallible interpreters, and continue to break upon human conscience and consciousness in each generation?

We have a responsibility as christians to take biblical advice on the central issue of love, and search our own consciences as well, in prayer with the Holy Spirit. I believe in a continuing interface between the Spirit and our consciences, and far from being a static and reactionary religion, always looking to past cultures and assumptions, our faith should always be listening and willingly opening and breaking into new spaces of love.

In seeking truth and justice - in seeking the affirmation and empowering of all - we need an openness to love in living relationship with God, and not a fundamentalist adherence to texts that tie us to old prejudices and impose those on others.

In embracing and affirming and empowering others - in going beyond our own safe havens and self-contained righteousness - we may find wholeness ourselves as christians, as churches, as communities.

Intelligent human beings, both christian and atheist alike, have been able to recognise that homosexual relationships are about people's love and tender care for one another, and that they should be endorsed, celebrated and valued as much as the relationships of any other people. I believe that the church should champion the efforts to break down discrimination. I believe that we are all people, and we are diverse, and that the expression of love and commitment and care is not wrong but precious and right.

There is a bottom line of decency and justice. I believe that the church needs to take a moral lead in publicly supporting and endorsing the lives and service of people of all kinds of sexual orientation and gender identity, seeking their empowerment, and speaking out against discrimination.

That's why I feel I have to challenge remarks like the politician's above. Because I believe they are blatantly discriminatory - and, I fear, capable of inciting hatred against innocent people through the allegation that homosexuality is as bad or worse than paedophilia and sex-crimes.

I believe we should be creating a culture and society where prejudice and hate and discrimination are challenged, and criticised and shown up for what they are.

I believe we need to resist those forces and human instincts that tend to sideline or diminish the validity of people's lives because they happen to be different or in a minority… that marginalisation of people's lives, and the repudiation of deep aspects of who some people are, and their most tender love and care, and its expression.

I'm not really impressed by the line, "Well my religion lets me say these things anyway". As I've tried to explain, there are other christians who disagree profoundly.

Discrimination is discrimination is discrimination.

It's unacceptable.

This is the thing…

Fundamentally, on issues of orientation, we should respect people for "who they are" - not "who we say they should be". It's that basic respect that is so absent from comments implying "worse than child-molestors".

Many people with no faith at all live with dignity and care for others and show respect to minorities and recognition that, though there is diversity, that diversity is precious not sinful, when expressed with love and kindness.

For those of us who are christians in faith, not superior in any way to those who aren't…may we walk with Jesus, who broke down barriers, including barriers in our hearts, that might keep us from the overwhelming love and grace of God. May the barriers of prejudice and fear be torn down and in their place may we find space and love for one another as human beings, and share one another's hopes, and recognise one another's deep loves and dignifying relationships.

Because there is a dignity about personal human relationship and trust and love and faithfulness, whether we are gay or heterosexual or lesbian or bisexual, transsexual, gender-diverse, or otherwise 'queer' or beyond simple labels (since identity is often too deep for labels, and humanity is so diverse but still capable of intimate expressions of human tenderness and creative love). And the creative love of God is a celebration of so much diversity, so much precious caring, so much joy and happiness, so much gentle kindness.

If you have a problem with someone being gay… go sort it. Go and get help and counselling. Go and see a psychologist yourself. Because really, the issue may be more to do with you than anyone else.

Here's somebody's words: "You see 'me being me' as a problem, when actually me being me is something gentle and happy and whole, and not a problem at all. It is other people who have the problem. It's called acceptance.

I am just me. I'm different. That's not a crime. Some would say that makes me special. But actually, I just want to live an ordinary life, to love and be loved.

Please. Let love be enough. Hold me. Take me in your arms. And I will do the same to you. But don't tell me to stop being me. At least give me that much respect."

How different is that language, sensitive and peace-making, compared to the language of disgust that terms the sincere expression of love "abomination", and makes a moral equation between homosexual love and abusive paedophilia.

I find that mindset saddening.

I'm sorry but I believe the politician's views and mindset on this subject are harking back to an Ireland of the past, not an Ireland of the future, and that an increasing number of her rational electorate - growing up in a climate of greater tolerance, acceptance and magnanimity - will find her remarks disappointing, offensive, and frankly out of touch.

I celebrate the love and decency, the care and commitment, of human beings who just want to share their lives with faithfulness. I believe God does too.

I believe it is entirely christian to fight and struggle for respect and acceptance for the *whole* of the lives of who gay people are, and lesbians, and their entirely legitimate hope and expectation to love and serve their partners, with much grace, and the blessing of God, and the embrace of their church communities.

Let me just finish by saying this. I don't care if you are a heterosexual. I will forgive you for that. I don't care if you are lesbian, or gay, or bisexual, or transsexual. I respect you each for who you are... not who I or anyone else says you "ought" to be. I want to respect you - and all your life, of which sexuality is simply a part, but often a precious and tender and integral part. And I want to embrace your relationships, and I want to celebrate your love and gain and grow because of you.

We should grow together and grow as well from what we learn from one another. That's my dream. Not prejudice and fear... but understanding and acceptance and the celebration of this gift of life. An opening up to love.